Friday, October 28, 2022

A Lady's Prerogative: The Curse Of Hallow's Eve Part One - Includes English And Japanese Audiobook Version

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I'd like to point out that it was the incredible Gary Sinese Foundation that brought the issue of Veteran's rights to my attention. I've always had little respect for those who'd forget the great contribution made by those who've risked life and limb to defend those values that so many of us espouse. Perhaps the true measure of one's principles are by that for which they'd risk their life.

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In all truth, there's a good chance that thanks to the works of Edgar Allan Poe, Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain), William Shakespeare, Jane Austen, Jonathan Swift, Mary Shelley, Robert Louis Stevenson, Herbert George Wells, Jules Verne, Dr. Seuss, Stephen King, Clive Barker and Pierre Burton (for The Secret World Of Og and his ground breaking interview of Bruce Lee) that all of us are literate. Literacy is important. Really it is. Literally. It allows us to approach our employer at the end of the week (with a big club) and ask: where my money?! Math important too. It help us count our thirteen fingers and toes.


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Brian Joseph Johns


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Read below or listen to the official audiobook part one on YouTube.


Or, listen here for the English version...












And no, Mishima Sato is not Bobby and I'm not being remotely controlled by anyone.


A Lady's Prerogative: The Curse Of Hallow's Eve


Daily Ritual



Once upon a time, in a small shop in a London suburb just off of the Thames river, there lived an elderly man. On this particular morning of this particular day in late October, he was already most of the way through his routine which had begun at seven in the morning. At eight o'clock, and like clockwork by which one could set their watch, he was outside of his shop, sweeping the front of his corner lot. His little dog who'd just exited the store through a little tiny door, one that was specifically designed for the pooch, would find the dirtier parts of the sidewalk, and then bark once, guiding the elderly man and his diminishing eye sight.



After sweeping the front area outside of the store, the elderly man, followed by his little dog, would stow the broom. He'd then walk to the back area of his store, which was his living space. Once there, he'd retrieve a paper bag from the fridge, pulling a custom made treat from within. Gourmet food for his dog, made by the pet store a few doors down from his shop. The elderly man would give the treat to the little dog, placing it in his food bowl. After the little dog had hungrily finished the treat, it would then take several gulps of water from the neighbouring water dish before it slowly walked over to a cushion where it would curl up and fall asleep until noon. In the meantime, the elderly man would then go about the task of making himself two cups of tea.



The first cup was standard fare in his neck of the woods. A cup of English Breakfast Tea, with a little dab of milk, enough so to lighten it some. The other was a tea he'd had imported from Osaka. The Japanese tea company from which he'd regularly purchase it, produced that blended tea by utilizing the tea of local farms, while blending it with the best teas imported from China, Korea and India. After brewing the two cups, he'd make himself a plate of fish he'd cooked the night before. At his kitchen table he'd top it with wasabi and consume it cold, washing it down with his tea. After finishing the fish and one of the cups of tea, he'd take the dishes and load them into the dishwasher, after which he'd take the other cup of tea out to the cashier's desk where he'd place it beside the register.



He'd then collect a grocery cart he'd filled part way the night before, using stock he'd collected, which he kept in the basement. He'd put the books with the books. The jewelry with the like. The cutlery and tools with the same. Finally, he'd stock the toys and seasonal knick knacks in their respective places. Once he'd emptied the cart, he'd return it to a closet near the back stairs to the basement, and return to the cashier's desk.



The next part of his routine involved his checking the cash register to ensure that it had enough small change for the morning customers. He'd often sell specialty candy and gums he stocked at the front, produced by a local chocolatier. Those morning customers often bought a book to accompany their treats for their trip to work. Once he was sure of his float, he'd walk over to the front door, unlock it and flip the switch that illuminated the sign in the window. The one that simply read: We're Open. He'd then return to the cashier's desk and drink the rest of his morning tea, signalling the end of his morning ritual.



All the while during the elderly man's morning routine, and for a great deal of time before that, sat an old man out front of a tiny park on a bench across the street. He sat there keeping a distant eye on: the shop, the elderly man and the little dog during. The old man's nose protruded from his face, long and pointy, far more so than what would be natural for a person. A pair of heavy set eyebrows framed the top of his beady eyes, making him appear gruff and guarded. A long sinewy moustache lined his top lip, while beneath, a goatee underpinned it, giving him the appearance of a devilish man. 



His skin was thoroughly saturated with the colours orange and brown, prominently distinguishing him from others, making him seem almost otherworldly. His breaths were laboured, and with each one he'd exhale a cloud of smoke and sulphur, and the fragrance of brimstone. Had someone been close enough to him, they'd have found his breath scalding and unbearably hot. Most of these qualities remained concealed beneath a tall brimmed hat perched atop of his head, from which he'd peer at the world and his surroundings. 



After he'd oberved that the elderly man across the street had finished his morning ritual, the old man on the bench got up, using a cane to support his wieldy frame. He then made the difficult journey across the street and into Sato's Curios And Treasures.



Visitors From The Past



At five minutes to three in the afternoon, the elderly man in the shop had poured his afternoon tea and was drinking it at the cashier's desk when the front door opened and a familiar face stepped in.



"Ahhhh, such a lovely day for a visit to my favourite neighbour. Neighbour at a distance better put," Nelony said, brandishing a familiar paper bag in her hands.



"Your favourite neighbour? I thought that horrific fate was reserved for Shaela, leaving me to ask to what ends do I owe the indignity of your presence?" Mishima Sato responded to the strawberry blonde haired woman.



"Charming as usual, though I'm guessing its far better that I caught you later rather than earlier," Nelony replied, unphased by Sato's remarks.



"I agree. I suppose I should thank you for waiting until I was better able to cope with your presence," Sato responded, taking a sip from his tea.



"Well maybe, I wasn't coming here for you," Nelony said, looking up at the ceiling. 



Her gaze returned to Sato as she presented a paper bag of gourmet dog treats.



"Happiu-isuka has barely made a dent in the last bag you brought. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were buttering my little friend up so the two of you could outnumber me?" Sato implied to Nelony, raising an eyebrow as he did.



"Ruff!" Happiu-isuka wagged her tail enthusiastically, licking her lips already anticipating treats.



"Somebody knows I'm here to visit!" Nelony said in a cartoonish voice.



"Why are we suddenly imbeciles when in the presence of a pet," Sato quipped sarcastically.



"People you mean? Awwww, did you hear that puppy lumps? He thinks people are imbeciles," asked Nelony, then sucking up to Happiu-isuka once again.



"Not people. Just you. Animal kind are going to look at humanity like we're a bunch of idiots with you as our ambassador to them," Sato responded.



"Ruff, ruff! Ruff!" Happiu-isuka responded.



"Happiu-isuka said, not all people are imbeciles. Just you," Nelony replied, offering up her translation services for the little dog.



"You've confirmed my suspicions and turned my own baby against me! Impressive, even for a dumbfounded Nature Witch like yourself," Sato said, amused by her wit.



"I think you had it coming to you. Both of you," Nelony handed Happiu-isuka a treat from inside of the bag.



"Which brings me back to my original point. To what occasion do I owe the indignity of your arrival?" asked Sato, returning to their conversation from the beginning.



"Well, if you must know, so I can drag a cranky and persnickity elderly man across the road for a surprise. But I'm going to have to blindfold you first," Nelony insisted, standing up after having given Happiu~isuka her treat.



"Why do I get the feeling I'm about to become the dupe in an insurance fraud scheme. Perhaps when you mentioned blindfold and crossing the road in the same sentence?" asked Sato, bitterly.



"Not the first thing that would have come to my mind," Nelony replied, defending her own innocence.



"Well as long as my name isn't Anastasia and this isn't Fifty Shades Of Grey, I suppose there's no harm blindfolding me," Sato responded, accepting the blindfold she'd withdrawn from her purse.



"I'm not even going to give that response the dignity of an answer," Nelony said, making sure the blindfold was tight.



"Lead on, oh harbinger of my doom. Please be gentle," Sato said helplessly as she took his arm, leading him out the front door.



"Let me lock my door at least?" asked Sato.



A young man met them out front of the store.



"Hi Mister Sato. I agreed with Nelony that I'd look after your shop while you were in the park," the young man said to Sato.



"Timmy? My part-time help? Ok then, but this time make sure you leave me some food in my fridge, and don't eat all my cookies?" demanded Sato, causing Nelony to giggle slightly.



"Alright," Timmy replied, sounding very disappointed as he walked into the shop and took his place at the cashier's desk.



Happiu-isuka in the meantime had followed them out of the store and waited with them for the street light.



Once across the street, the trio walked a short distance until they were upon the path through the park, where Nelony led Sato over to a picnic bench and sat him down.



"Before you run for it Nelony, dare I ask how many piles of doggy doo you walked me through on the way here?" asked Sato still blindfolded, hearing several people struggling to contain their laughter.



Nelony, now behind him, lifted the blindfold.



All at once, Sato was overwhelmed with what he saw.



To be continued...


When the new audiobook part two is ready, I'll post the link here in addition to the text of the story.


Artwork: Amy WongWendy PuseyGhastly, Brian Joseph Johns, Daz3DUnreal Engine...

Tools: Daz3DCorel PainterAdobe PhotoshopLightwave 3DBlender, Borderline Obsession...

Written by Brian Joseph Johns


200 Sherbourne Street Suite 701, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
and fav.inbox@gmail.com (they both come to the same person, me).


All properties and trademarks are the rights of their respective owners.

Monday, October 24, 2022

Civic Duty And Municipal Elections

The innovative new City Of Toronto voting booth
The City Of Toronto despite having some unsettling aspects, is actually quite technically advanced and always implementing innovative new ways to address the mundane civic tasks of old. Case in point: the process of voting.


Apparently the City Of Toronto has radically adapted the entire voting process, while embracing the environment. 


All in one fell swoop.


I arrived to vote in the afternoon, just before 2PM Eastern Time and was greeted by a rather simplistic scene as you can clearly see in the picture above.


The entire process of voting has been reduced considerably and uses far less landfill, while requiring fewer volunteers to manage while the polls are open. 


The volunteers were a friendly bunch, possessing skill in diplomacy, bureaucracy and horticulture as you'll soon see.


Doctor Alana Verdain, Alumni of TPDNE University
Doctor Alana Verdain, a specialist in Plant Biology was on hand to talk about the new process, which she and her team developed over the course of the last decade.


"Its a quaint system really. Something for which I got the idea while I was in my backyard gardening. It occurred to me that within every seed, there is enough idle storage space in the form of genetic fields to include a voting ballot. Somewhere in the region of 2 or 3 Megabytes. From the moment of that thought, the entire idea fleshed itself out rather quickly. I took the idea to Alumni who applied for a grant and the rest is history," Doctor Verdain explained to me.


SDM: "How exactly does one use this new voting technology?" 


Doctor Verdain: "Its quite simple really. Each candidate is represented by a single seed, that you select from behind the voting screen. In this case, we're choosing three candidates. One for Mayor, one for Trustee and the last for the School Board. You simply press the button on any of the seed dispensers and it will drop one into your envelopes. After you've selected the three seeds, one for each ballot, you then seal the envelope and take it to the planter, where you grab a trowel, clear some of the dirt away and bury the seeds good and deep and wait for nature to take its course."


SDM: "What exactly happens with the seeds?"


Doctor Verdain: "We've genetically engineered these seeds, and from the moment the envelopes touch the soil, a biochemical process is triggered, transmuting the paper matter of the envelopes into plant nutrients, which drastically accelerate the germination process. Typically, the plant is germinated by the time you've troweled the soil to cover them and are on your way home."


SDM: "How are the ballots counted in this process?"


Doctor Verdain: "This voting process is somewhat different from the processes the public might have been used to in years past, so there is no counting of the ballot. All of that is handled via cellular mitosis and the growth cycle of the plant of course."


SDM: "If there's no ballot count, then how do we know who won the vote?"


Doctor Verdain: "This is the interesting part. We've bypassed all of the traditional process of voting and gone right to the nitty gritty of the deal. You see, each of the seeds produce a root system that seeks out similar root systems through a massive soil pipeline beneath the city. These roots coalesce, eventually emerging from the earth inside of Nathan Philips Square, where we've setup a green house specifically for the vote."


SDM: "What do these roots produce at the green house?" 


Doctor Verdain: "The root systems having grown for kilometers from all wards in the city combine to emerge in the green house, but there's only enough room for the most selected seeds, which of course produce the most abundant root systems, to grow. The bottom line is that the three winning candidates are represented by each of these plants. So whichever of the plants breaks the earth in the green house are the winning ballots."


SDM: "That's remarkable. So once these plants are identified, we know who won the vote?"


Plant Grown Candidate
Doctor Verdain:
"Not exactly. Its a bit more complicated than that. You see, not only have we produced these genetically advanced plants, but we've also managed to engineer actual human DNA into the seeds. This DNA is used to produce exact copies of each of the winning candidates, right down to the smallest detail, while retaining all of the knowledge they had attained throughout life. Each of these candidates emerge from giant blossoms. A bit dehydrated and malnourished, not to mention completely naked, but those challenges to get them to work in the council are easily navigated compared to the problems we've overcome to get to this point," 


SDM: "So what happens to the original candidate?"


Doctor Verdain: "They can continue on with their life as usual before they ran for office, while their plant based clone shall we say, does all of the politics." 


SDM: "Do these plant candidate hybrids eat?" 


Doctor Verdain: "That's a very good question and the answer is no. We simply keep them on water infused nutrients, which are automatically fed to them via their chairs in council. Their seats are wet nutrient infused sponges, which is absorbed through their tush and quickly digested to keep them in tip top shape. They'll each need an hour a day in the sunlight too as well, to keep them going."


SDM: "How long does the whole process take?" 


Doctor Verdain: "Our initial trials took up to a year. Over the last six years we've been able to refine that number right down to merely ten hours. We're hoping that this new method is a cure for the dimishing voting turnout of the last few years. Perhaps we'll see a time in the future where everyone will do their civic duty and vote!" 


SDM: "Doctor Verdain, thank you very much for your time." 


Doctor Verdain: "My pleasure."


So there you have it, and I've just done my civic duty while the volunteers have been watering the ballots to ensure that we have our candidates on time, thanks to the innovative new voting system implemented by Doctor Alana Verdain and the City Of Toronto.



12 Years Later



My oxygen filtration system is on the fritz again, not to mention I've run out of filters. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up for, but in the instance that there are others who survived this, and who go on to rebuild civilization, I'd like there to be a record of what happened to us. How the civilization of humanity the world over was brought to its knees by these new plant based candidates.


It started out innocently enough at first. They were used for voting around the world. Each vote producing the required number of candidates for the outcome of each vote. Then, each plant started producing other copies of the same candidates, and before long, the world was being overrun with them. 


They were easy enough to support at first, but then the problem grew. For what Doctor Verdain never told us was that the candidates were just like real plants. They'd respirate carbon dioxide at a tremendous rate far in excess of any tree or plant on the planet, initially healing the planet by reducing the global carbon footprint.


But soon we realized that this came at a cost, for their increased consumption of carbon dioxide meant an increased production of oxygen, in the form of their flatulence. These plant based candidates were soon letting some of the worst gas imaginable go, quickly suffocating the world and increasing the atmospheric oxygen levels, not to mention the smell.


People began dropping in droves as a result of this new hot air, not to mention the increased oxygen levels, which triggered forest fires around the globe. The effects of their flatulence however did not stop there.


It was later found that their hot air ass gas trap was opening new holes in the ozone layer every day. Before long the entire globe was exposed to solar radiation on an unprecedented scale. More and more of us disappeared, either retreating to underground caves to survive or having died while trying.


The last time I made radio contact with another human being was nearly three months ago. Now there's nothing but radio silence.


As I sit here, breathing the last of my air, I can't help but think about one thing. None of this ever would have happened if we didn't try to create gimmicks to lure people out to do their civic duty and vote. 


Gimmicks or no gimmicks, its something we should have all done. 


This is Brian Joseph Johns in a cave somewhere in downtown Toronto, signing off.